Daily Archives: January 14, 2025

Dear Whit,

Alias: Diamond

I’ve been dating a guy for 11 months I met online. He works 16 days in a row away. So he’s home 12 days a month. We spend most of his time off together. A major issue is he has an ex he was with for 25 years. He broke it off a few years ago, they have no kids, and they have 4 real estate assets jointly. To date, they still co-own and live out of their house! Like we are talking clothes of both theirs in the master closet! She’s sometimes at the house, sometimes at their place in Arizona. There have been a few times he’s slept under the same roof as her. I’ve told him that isn’t ok with me that I’m not comfortable with this. What guy is dating a girl seriously but sleeping under the same roof as his ex? I caught him lying once saying she wasn’t there but I figured out she was. He claims they haven’t had sex in 7 years. Why can’t he sort out the assets and leave her in the rearview mirror??? Is there really nothing going on or is he living a double life?! To add to this, he pays all the bills for the house they share. I’m a single mom 2 kids with me full time struggling with bills. He stays with me on his days off and only pays for some groceries and helps out around the house but he refuses to help pay bills. So he’s happy to pay for his ex to live for free but not pitch in at my place. He says he loves me. He says he needs to sort out the assets with the ex but zero progress (talk no action). When I asked him if he is planning to find a job locally so we can be together on a more regular basis (normal living/work situation), he said he’s not sure as it would be such a huge life change for him. I’ve never had such an amazing connection with a guy, he treats me well, he’s easygoing and we don’t fight! My son loves this guy too. Am I wasting my time??!! How do I better handle the ex? Do I need to set a timeline and tell him? Feeling exhausted thinking about the situation. Would love your take on it! I always love your posts. Excited to hear your thoughts!

Dear Crystal Clear,

Babe…I’m internally and externally screaming with you, for you, and at you. Let me grab your hand…and respectfully ask, what the f*ck?

There’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s just set your Chad aside and visit you for a hot second. Ask yourself “Why is this what I think I deserve”? You said he treats you well…girl, this entire message was him doing just the opposite. It genuinely breaks my heart to see women finding themselves in these situations settling for the bottom of shit on a shoe.

And the shoe isn’t even a good one, he’s a Croc honey…an ugly ass Croc!!

Why are you okay with a man providing for another woman, living with another woman, and sharing assets with another woman? All while you provide for him…

The actions and words need to align…are they?

Now let’s visit bad Chad…Chad and Becky are still living together. He lied to you about them staying at the same house. How do we know this was the first or only time? Why is Chad not taking steps to rid Becky from his life? Why is Chad even dating? It sounds like Chad wants his cake and to eat it too. Well, guess what, Crystal Clear…you deserve a Mark, Kyle, or Erin…NOT Chad, not today!

You’re a single mom and any man who loves you should want to add value to your life, make things easier, and take stress off your plate. He should be wanting to move closer to you to progress the relationship. At the year mark, you should have those plans in place and take some sort of action, or at least be aligned in what the future of your relationship looks like and the trajectory of it.

My intuition is telling me that you know what you need to do, you just need validation to do so. And trust me, you have my full ass stamp honey.

Set your feelings aside and think about your sweet baby boy. Does he love this man? What is this man teaching him? From what you wrote it’s not how to properly treat a woman. Would you be okay with him treating a woman this way?

I’m not a smoker, but if I were I’d be chain-smoking after this one…

Crystal, I am pretty sure the internet of women will agree with me on this one… you deserve better and 99% of men will be an upgrade from him.

xxWhit

Dear Whit,

Alias: Mr. Cajun

Dear Sir Spice,

Why are you making us choose? We can have everything we want in our significant other… settling is for quitters and we don’t quit here.

I do believe having sexual chemistry is extremely important. If I don’t want to rip your clothes off what are we even doing here? Sex is a level of connection that cannot be matched in any other way. So if you don’t have this connection you’re sacrificing a level of bonding that you deserve to have with someone else.

The fact that you brought picking f*ck you money or actual f*cking you into this… I’m going to say I personally want both otherwise what’s the point? If he’s not adding value, I’m not adding him…

much love
xxWhit

Dear Whit,

Alias: Shhhhhh

How do people (men lol) have casual sex? How do you not get emotionally attached or catch feelings? I don’t understand. Recently had a real hookup situation and I left feeling sad cause I catch feelings QUICK. How are men not like this??

Dear Whispers,

First things first: We listen and we don’t judge… Next, I’d like to introduce oxytocin to the chat! It’s the glorious hormone that is released during intimacy and bonds us to someone.

So, it’s not you… it’s our wiring. Typically females have higher levels of oxytocin which explains why we feel this way, more than males. Unfortunately.

This may be going to far, but hell I like to push the limits. My biggest piece of advice is to prolong hooking up with someone for as long as you can. Set boundaries for yourself when dating and hold yourself accountable. It helps prevent settling, clouded judgment, and operating from a place of fear of rejection. Be the girl that’s hard to win over, there’s no shame in that and I genuinely believe a good man will respect you more for that.

much love
xxWhit